Chatcan: Jef asks Anupa about dating white dudes

Jef and I have been friends for a long-time and share the same daffy sense of humour so we decided to team up to contribute a chat post to the Ethnic Aisle's Interracial Dating edition. Here, Jef asks me about dating white guys.

jef:  So you want me to grill you about your dating history?

anupa: well no!

jef: boooo

anupa: maybe you can ask weird questions about dating white guys?

jef: Do you always date white guys?

anupa: No! I feel like in the past few years this has been some kind of trend for some reason which I can't really explain yet, but I am not one of those "I don't date.."-type people

I have dated white guys, a half-black/half-chinese guy and brown guys!

jef: Shout out to half a Chinese guy

anupa: He was all Jamaican though

I called him black chiney

jef: Of course you did!

When did you date your first white guy then?

anupa: ahh yes

jef: And was that a big deal?

anupa: second year of university

and yeah

Because up until that point I was straight Brampton, guy! I think I was one of the first out of my circle of friends to date a white guy!

jef: Did you not used to find white dudes attractive or was there just a drought over in B-town?

anupa: I remember having crushes on white boys when I was too young to even know what a crush was. But like, as a fully formed human, I think it was more just that I never met a white guy who I was attracted to in that way.

Maybe they were always TOO white?

Or too wack

anupa: If you wanna get deep, my first boyfriend when I was four-years-old was this little white boy who was my neighbor. This was when we lived in Scarborough and white people still lived in Malvern!

jef: Four!

anupa: yeah, we used to play together every afternoon

and one day I shared a toy flute with him and I remember someone got mad at me over that. Cooties!

jef: I don't think I was even forming memories at four.

anupa: you always remember your first love

jef: Oh shit.

anupa: LOLZ

jef: This just turned into a cheesy Spielberg movie or some shit

anupa: Here's what I think is interesting though about the white guy thing, if you'll indulge. I've never dated a *cough* cracker-ass white guy

Like, they've always been white guys who have a pretty diverse group of friends

Who are somewhat attuned to the cultural sensibilities of people of colour.

jef: But that's not attractive, right?

That's just a qualifier?

anupa: Maybe it's a qualifier that I'm attracted to?

jef: Hahaha

Do you have a fetish, Anupa?

anupa: YES!

This is the thing though, right

During #ethnichat I started wondering... maybe I'M the one with the fetish?


jef: The down-ass white boy thing, how do you feel about it?

Are you guilty?

Are you weirded out or is just whatever to you by now?

anupa: Well now that I'm starting to consciously think about it, I've been wondering over the past couple of days if it's just the same thing that I don't want done to me..

But mostly it's whatever now

It's not the ONLY thing I'm attracted to, like I said. It's been a weird pattern that my friends sometimes poke fun at.

jef: Is it a safe way to date white guys?

Because normally we'd rag on girls who always date white girls

sorry white guys

but you can say, "eh, he's alright though."

anupa: Maybe!

But I think it's more of a personal comfort level thing too

Like, I want to know that I can bring you around my Jamaican BFFs and you're not going to be COMPLETELY out of pocket

jef: Right, but that's kinda ignoring the white thing

Because just dating an Indian dude would also accomplish that

anupa: Yeah, but again, it's not like I'm consciously seeking out the white dude!

jef: Hmmm


All you're saying is you're attracted to white guys. We're saying the same thing.

anupa: I know!! Maybe this isn't interesting at all!

jef: Well, it is

Just like you said, it's always "a thing" when POCs date white people

I dunno if rightfully or not, but it's true

Especially with the parentals and stuff

anupa: I just don't think about my parents anymore when it comes to dating

Not to sound assholish, but it's hard enough to meet a normal cosmic being as it is without weird constraints you don't even personally believe in being forced upon you

jef: That's not assholish, that's being a grown up.

anupa: Sorry, that's my kneejerk "respect your elders" coming out

jef: You said your friends tease you. How so?

anupa: Okay, so like, I currently have a crush-from-a-distance on someone who happens to be white

And my BFF called today from Paris - we don’t talk too often so I was just filling her in on lots of mundanities

And when I mentioned this crush, she auto-responded: "IS HE WHITE?"

But maybe this might have to do with all the pink dick jokes we made back in high school..


jef: What the blood, Anupa


I agree though, when you mention dudes I just kind of always assume they're white.

Are you mad at me??

anupa: Do I seem like I prefer white guys?

jef: Also, I think you are soul mates with [white guy, redacted for secrecy]

Yeah, you do

It might also be because we did those Lost recaps together and every week you would talk about Sawyer being topless

anupa: Oh man, so hot

Is this too boring for people you think?

I don't think we gleaned anything insightful

jef: I can ask you the Big Question

anupa: ew

okay go

jef: hahaha

anupa: i might not answer

jef: hhahahahha

it's not that

anupa: not what?! lol

just ask

jef: Do you ever think having a thing for white guys makes you a "sellout”?

anupa: LOL um no

1) As I said, it's hard out here for a pimp

jef: lol

anupa: 2) i am not like one of those "I only date white guys" people or someone who thinks white guys are inherently BETTER. So if it happens that I meet and like one, it iz whut it iz.

3) "fuck your ethnicity*" - kendrick lamar

* Benedict Anderson's book/idea of Imagined Communities, where he describes nationality as a social construct, informs a lot of my belief regarding the fluidity of identity so it’s like, what exactly would I be selling out?

jef: Changing the s's to z's made that second point extra sleazy

anupa: gonna leave it in

jef: There was a time in my life when I was really concerned with people dating white people

anupa: really?

jef: it's something that seems increasingly ridiculous as I get older

Well in early high school I definitely liked white girls

I think I imprinted on Hitchcock blondes when I was young

So there was concern in that direction

And then later I got all righteous and shit and dating white people seemed like a stupid thing to do. And then somewhere after that I became normal. (I hope)

anupa: we’ve all had our conscious phases.

It might've been my black chiney BF who said he had a problem with nonwhites dating whites. And I was like, ‘HALLO! You are a product of interracial and, like, I am brown in case you didn't notice.’ But he was kind of militant at that point I think. That said, I think he has a brown girl fetish now.

This will be embarrassing if he reads this (Hi Nick!)

jef: Everyone has brown girl fetish!

You gals are the new Japanese chicks

(Hi Nick!)

anupa: Who has a brown girl fetish?

Please send them to me.